my world turn to white and black
my world is 3 littre of coffe every night
no sigarets and no alchogol
just coffe and no sleep

this time (time for anal sex) will be 1 week more at least and after i will rest i hope
and i hope i will find this bitch
ahah i don't feel anything anymore
i just calm
just waiting

just one thing that i'm little bit happy that i start to talk german after 2-3 year no speak at all ....ahah this so good
i feel like i back one very important part of my soul

конфетки

мне не грустно, не разу
просто началась сессия и до конца учебного года осталось 2 недели
плюс еще много-много всего
только писать не охота
единственное что убивает так это безответственность людей
ненавижу когда что-то берут, а потом бросают на половине
нет желания ничем заниматься, по крайней мере заниматься типа хобби этим
реально
чувствую себя как-будто меня в жопу выебали
и все же мне как-то грустно, больно и обидно
как-будто мне одной это надо
я на это не подписывалась, у меня если честно то сказать интереса к этому особого нет
но нет же, мне же надо блин за компанию, по дружбе, а потом все в конце концов сваливается на меня
и тут дело даже не на тему денег, как не раз говорила деньги дело наживное, всегда можно что-то придумать
дело в моральной поддержке
а ее нет

My own private prison
I tired
On saturday was b-day of yulia, i feel really wired
so i left in 2 am and was really happy

God!!! now i feel like my soul was raped
anyway i talk about same reason that was in previous entry
what more i hate that in the end i need to think about all, but in the start this wasn't my idea
at list i can cancel all of that things
but i'm not that stupid
and if i say that i will do this, i actually will do this
but this time it's to hard, feel lost at all

stage and backstage

i have strange feeling
i saw i a lot fans in my life
but day by day i thinking more and more about masks and how stupid all is this
fans truly fall in love and etc
they buy all stuff that they can find
but what in the end?
bands\artists say "we love you", "thank you so much"
but in the end this is there job
and in backstage they say how they tired of this life
and that they want to change a lot if they have a chance
money and the fame
fame and the glamor
dunno why but i'm sick of it
sick to see this
sometime my hobby give me a lot food for thoughts

but i'm not stupid and i understand that this is just a part of job called superstar for half of my friend and mates
that's why i hate stage

cos it's to sad
try to not think about it
but it seems to me like fucking disaster

ummm

catch one thought in my head
ahaha dunno why and etc
ok last half of the year i really addicted to married man in a age of 30 or more
m-be cos they not stupid as all teenagers
ahaha
dunno
but it's weired -____-'

i'm on my way to you
wait for me
wait...
we will be together soon

first time always hurts

i would like to dissapear now for everyone
but i know that it will be to complicated cos to many ppl will have problems because of it
i need time more time
i to many times think now that i wanna ended my life as soon as it possible
but..still there is 0,01% that keep me hanging on
just tired
understand me oneday
first time, last time this doesn't matter

I hate you
You not even real father to me
I got a seacret but i dont want to tell it to anybody
But please save me from here
Cant stand it like this anymore

BGGG-GG-G

Ihaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
translating some sociological shit from english to russian for my university
hate this
but anyway life gose on <3

I feel so empty now
So fucking in love!!
And now I really don’t care what others will say
I love you!

My dream, ur dream, our dreams

Ok!
So today was a happy really happy day fo me ^___^
First because i finally get tickets for OOMPH! show that going to be tomorrow! I wait this for 5 years, cos first show in russia was 5 years ago and i skip it ;__;
so i promised myself that i will be on there next live, and i will <3
and what more i going there with my really-really-really old mates, haven't seen them for ages! but tomorrow we will rock!!!

Secondly today first day of Yami recording. Studio that we choose is really nice! And there director really nice too! So i hope that in the end of this month our band will have first CD.

disaster

i dunno how
yes last month was a lot of stresses, so we eat a lot and as for me i drink really a lot of alcohol
BUT HOOOOW!!!???
how in with a hight 162 i can get 67 kg? T______T
i feel like pregnant now really :(((
need to sit on a diet quickly